Songwriter: Bette Midler Jerry Blatt Charlene Seeger Marc Shaiman
Producer: Arif Mardin
Otto Titsling, inventor and Kraut
Had nothing to get very worked up about
His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak
He fled to the opera at least twice a week
One night at the opera he saw an Aida
Whose bust was so big it would often impede her
Bug-eyed, he watched her fall into the pit
Done in by the weight of those terrible tits
Oh my god! Thar she blows!
Aerodynamically this girl was a mess
Otto eye-balled the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds
And he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration
Flood his soul. He ran back to his workshop
Where he futzed and futzed and futzed
For Otto Titsling had found his quest:
To lift and mold the female breast
To point the small ones to the sky
To keep the big ones high and dry
Every night he'd sweat and snort
Searching for the right support
He tried some string and paper clips
Hey! He even tried his own two lips!
Well, he stitched and he slaved
He slaved and he stitched
Until finally one night, in the wee hours of morning
Otto arose from his workbench triumphant
Yes! He had invented the world's first
Over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder
Hooray!
Exhausted but ecstatic, Otto ran
Out to the diva bearing the prototype in his hot little hand
Now, the diva did not wanna try the darn thing on
But, after many initial mishaps
She finally did
And the sigh of relief that issued forth
From her mouth
Was so loud that it was mistaken by some
To be the early onset of the Seraken Winds
Which would often roll through the Schwarzwald
With a vengeance!
Ahhhhh!
But little did Otto know
At the moment of his greatest triumph
Lurking under the diva's bed
Was none other than the very worst
Of the French patent thieves
Phillip DeBrassiere
And Phil was watching the scene
With a great deal of interest!
Later that night, while the Brunhilda slept
Into the wardrobe Phillip softly crept
He fumbled through knickers and corsets galore
Till he found Otto's titsling and he ran out the door
Crying, "Oh my god! What joy! What bliss!
"I'm gonna make me a million from this!
"Every woman in the world will wanna buy one
"I will have all the goods manufactured in Taiwan."
The result of this swindle is pointedly clear:
Do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?
Had nothing to get very worked up about
His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak
He fled to the opera at least twice a week
One night at the opera he saw an Aida
Whose bust was so big it would often impede her
Bug-eyed, he watched her fall into the pit
Done in by the weight of those terrible tits
Oh my god! Thar she blows!
Aerodynamically this girl was a mess
Otto eye-balled the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds
And he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration
Flood his soul. He ran back to his workshop
Where he futzed and futzed and futzed
For Otto Titsling had found his quest:
To lift and mold the female breast
To point the small ones to the sky
To keep the big ones high and dry
Every night he'd sweat and snort
Searching for the right support
He tried some string and paper clips
Hey! He even tried his own two lips!
Well, he stitched and he slaved
He slaved and he stitched
Until finally one night, in the wee hours of morning
Otto arose from his workbench triumphant
Yes! He had invented the world's first
Over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder
Hooray!
Exhausted but ecstatic, Otto ran
Out to the diva bearing the prototype in his hot little hand
Now, the diva did not wanna try the darn thing on
But, after many initial mishaps
She finally did
And the sigh of relief that issued forth
From her mouth
Was so loud that it was mistaken by some
To be the early onset of the Seraken Winds
Which would often roll through the Schwarzwald
With a vengeance!
Ahhhhh!
But little did Otto know
At the moment of his greatest triumph
Lurking under the diva's bed
Was none other than the very worst
Of the French patent thieves
Phillip DeBrassiere
And Phil was watching the scene
With a great deal of interest!
Later that night, while the Brunhilda slept
Into the wardrobe Phillip softly crept
He fumbled through knickers and corsets galore
Till he found Otto's titsling and he ran out the door
Crying, "Oh my god! What joy! What bliss!
"I'm gonna make me a million from this!
"Every woman in the world will wanna buy one
"I will have all the goods manufactured in Taiwan."
The result of this swindle is pointedly clear:
Do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?
more tracks from the album
From the albums
Bette Midler popular songs
- The Rose
- Wind Beneath My Wings
- Rose’s Turn
- From a Distance
- The Glory of Love
- I Sold My Heart to the Junkman
- Mr. Rockefeller
- Hang On in There, Baby
- Billy-A-Dick
- Surabaya Johnny
- Your Love Keeps Liftin Me Higher
- All I Need to Know
- I Love You
- Only in Miami
- Comic Relief
- Skylark
- Stuff Like That There
- God Help the Outcasts
- Am I Blue
- One Mondkey Don’t Stop No Show
- Optimistic Voices/Lullaby of Broadway
- Shining Star
- Friends/Oh My My!
- He Was Too Good to Me/Since You Stayed Here