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Mel’s SongCosmo Jarvis

Released: March 4, 2008

Producer: Cosmo Jarvis

Come stay with me stay in my room,
My duvet smells but so would you
If you hadn’t washed in as long as I have
And I’ll wash my balls if you say that you’ll grab them.

Nah I’m not gonna make you do that,
It’s just you and me on the bench where we’re sat,
So come back to my room and we can watch a movie
And my passion for you will go right straight through me.

I’ll say something like “baby, could you be the one that will always throw your love to me?”
And you’ll be like “nah, you’re just some pissed break try’na get some of me and that makes me sick!”
And i’ll be like “nah, I love you so much
And I know it’s pathetic but I’ve had enough
Of being alone on my own in my home
i just wanna be here when your screaming and moan to me.
Baby i want you, but I know you don’t,
You’ll just point at my boner and say ‘fuck off home!’”

Melanie won’t you spend the day with me?
Melanie i don’t know how to spell your second name but i’ll try.
Melanie won’t you spend the day with me?
Won’t you slap me one more time?

And I’ll cry and I’ll cry, and i might wonder why
This beautiful Mel girl don’t like this guy?
Is it cause i didn’t wash my hair today
And a dry bit of hair gel fell your way?

Is it cause my BO had nowhere to go
Except straight up your nose, but you smell like a rose!
Not that i sniffed you of course I mean I really would like tom
You’re not just some bitch on a bench the boys like to lie to.

The fact is Mel, I was drunk when I saw you.
Did I not make it clear that I massively adore you?
You know I’d even quit drinking for you.
I should’ve been sober, but I didn’t want to.

Before we started we were already over
'Cause I can’t talk to girls when I’m sober.
Girls like you aren’t common,
And when they come around, I miss them.

But i can still say that i sat on a bench with the prettiest girl in Brixham

Melanie won’t you spend the day with me?
I don’t know how to spell your second name but I’ll try.
Melanie won’t you spend the day with me?
Won’t you slap me one more time?

I’m sorry if you think that £1.50 was wasted,
Those were the best damn chips I ever tasted.

Won’t you slap me one more time?

Melanie, won’t you spend the day with me?
I don’t know how to spell your second name but I’ll try.
Melanie won’t you spend the day with me?
Won’t you slap me one more time?

Cosmo Jarvis

Critic, journalist, sometime musician, onetime actor, and full-time Midwesterner Mark Deming provides a discographic-based biography for Cosmo Jarvis:

“Singer, songwriter, and filmmaker Cosmo Jarvis has earned a devoted following for his witty, often satiric tunes about the foibles of relationships and contemporary life, often rooted in personal experience, as well as his own self-produced videos and short subjects that have given his work a global online audience. Harrison Cosmo Krikoryan Jarvis was born on September 1, 1989 in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Jarvis' family relocated to the United Kingdom when he was young, and he grew up in Devon in Southwest England. Jarvis began writing songs when he was only 12 years old, around the same time he began making short films using a VHS video camera. While Jarvis' early videos were little more than documentation of pranks played with his friends, with time he began constructing more complex narratives, and similarly his songs began to evolve, ranging from folk-inspired acoustic guitar pieces and elaborate pop tunes to tongue-in-cheek hip-hop tracks.

At the age of 16, Jarvis quit school to focus on his creative work, and in 2009 he wrote and produced his debut album, an 18-song set called Humasyouhitch/Sonofabitch, which was released by the British indie label Wall of Sound. The album combined Jarvis' observational tunes with a cycle of songs reflecting the emotional turmoil of his parents' stormy relationship. Humasyouhitch/Sonofabitch received enthusiastic notices from the British music press, but it didn’t sell especially well, and Jarvis teamed with 25th Frame for his second release, Is the World Strange or Am I Strange? A track from the album, “Gay Pirates,” became an Internet sensation after Jarvis' low-budget video for the song was endorsed in a Twitter post by actor and author Stephen Fry, and subsequent airplay helped make the second album a commercial success. While continuing to tour, write songs, and record music, Jarvis has also been writing and directing a feature film, provisionally titled The Naughty Room. ~ Mark Deming, Rovi"

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Humasyouhitch / Sonofabitch

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