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If I Had...Eminem

Released: December 6, 1997

Songwriter: Jeff Bass Mark Bass Eminem

Producer: Bass Brothers Eminem

[Intro]
"Life," by Marshall Mathers
What is life?
Life is like a big obstacle in front of your optical to slow you down
And every time you think you've gotten past it
It's gonna come back around to tackle you to the damn ground
What are friends?
Friends are people that you think are your friends
But they really your enemies with secret identities
And disguises to hide they true colors
So just when you think you close enough to be brothers
They wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin'
What is money?
Money is what makes a man act funny
Money is the root of all evil
Money'll make them same friends come back around
Swearin' that they was always down
What is life? I'm tired of life

[Verse 1]
I'm tired of backstabbin'-ass snakes with friendly grins
I'm tired of committin' so many sins
Tired of always givin' in when this bottle of Henny wins
Tired of never havin' any ends
Tired of havin' skinny friends, hooked on crack and Mini Thins
I'm tired of this DJ playin' your shit when he spins
Tired of not havin' a deal
Tired of havin' to deal with the bullshit without grabbin' the steel
Tired of drownin' in my sorrow
Tired of havin' to borrow a dollar for gas to start my Monte Carlo
I'm tired of motherfuckers sprayin' shit and dartin' off
I'm tired of jobs startin' off
At $5.50 an hour, then this boss wonders why I'm smartin' off
I'm tired of bein' fired every time I fart and cough
Tired of havin' to work as a gas station clerk
For this jerk, breathin' down my neck, drivin' me berserk
I'm tired of usin' plastic silverware
Tired of workin' at Builder's Square
Tired of not bein' a millionaire

[Chorus]
But if I had a million dollars
I'd buy a damn brewery and turn the planet into alcoholics
If I had a magic wand
I'd make the world suck my dick without a condom on
While I'm on the john
If I had a million bucks, it wouldn't be enough
Because I'd still be out robbin' armored trucks
If I had one wish, I would ask
For a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss

[Verse 2]
I'm tired of bein' white trash, broke and always poor
Tired of takin' pop bottles back to the party store
I'm tired of not havin' a phone
Tired of not havin' a home to have one in if I did have one on
Tired of not drivin' a BM
Tired of not workin' at GM, tired of wantin' to be him
Tired of not sleepin' without a Tylenol PM
Tired of not performin' in a packed coliseum
Tired of not bein' on tour
Tired of fuckin' the same blonde whore
After work, in the back of a Contour
I'm tired of fakin' knots with a stack of ones
Havin' a lack of funds and resortin' back to guns
Tired of bein' stared at
Tired of wearin' the same damn Nike Air hat
Tired of steppin' in clubs, wearin' the same pair of Lugz
Tired of people sayin' they're tired of hearin' me rap about drugs
Tired of other rappers who ain't bringin' half the skill as me
Sayin' they wasn't feelin' me on "Nobody's As Ill As Me"
And I'm tired of radio stations tellin' fibs
Tired of JLB sayin', "Where hip-hop lives"

[Chorus]
But if I had a million dollars
I'd buy a damn brewery and turn the planet into alcoholics
If I had a magic wand
I'd make the world suck my dick without a condom on
While I'm on the john
If I had a million bucks, it wouldn't be enough
Because I'd still be out robbin' armored trucks
If I had one wish, I would ask
For a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss

[Outro]
You know what I'm sayin'?
I'm tired of all of this bullshit, tellin' me to be positive
How am I 'posed to be positive when I don't see shit positive?
You know what I'm sayin'?
I rap about shit around me, shit I see
You know what I'm sayin'?
Right now, I'm tired of everything
Tired of all this player-hatin' that's goin' on in my own city
Can't get no airplay, you know what I'm sayin'?
But hey, it's cool though, you know what I'm sayin'?
I'm just fed up, that's my word

Eminem

A legendary hip-hop icon who started as an underground battle rapper in Detroit, Marshall “Eminem” Bruce Mathers III (1972 – present) has developed a career full of controversy, wild swings, and some of the most noteworthy raps in the history of the genre.

Eminem has broken countless barriers, shifting and impacting the culture in several ways. In June 2017, “Stan” was added into the Oxford Dictionary, and in 2019, to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. He was the first rapper to win the Grammy Award for Best Album for three consecutive albums. “Rap God” set the Guinness World Record for most words in a song. He was also the first rapper to win an Oscar. His albums The Marshall Mathers LP and The Eminem Show became certified Diamond by the RIAA in 2011, making him one of the few artists to have more than one Diamond album. This has helped him become the highest selling hip-hop artist of all time. In January 2020, with his 11th studio album Music to Be Murdered By debuting at #1 on the Billboard 200, Eminem became the first artist in history to have 10 consecutive #1 debuts.

Produced and co-signed by Dr. Dre, Em had an unprecedented run of success from 1999 up until 2003, releasing three well-reviewed multi-platinum albums, stealing the show on countless collaborations, and even starred in a hit movie. However, it all came crashing down around 2004, when a string of problems ranging from drug dependence to depression to the tragic death of best friend Deshaun “Proof” Holton in 2006 led to a long hiatus from music and a pair of what were, by his own admission, sub-par albums.

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