Released: May 29, 1987

Songwriter: LL Cool J

Producer: L.A. Posse

[Verse 1]
The President woke and he called the Pope
The Pope climbed to heaven on a golden rope
He asked the Lord to raise Michaelangelo from the dead
So he can make a fresh painting of my head
Then I hung out with a king and a queen
And the queen put me down with her polo team
The way I scored points all around the clock
I had her daughter, the princess ridin my jock
I knocked the freak off like a crazy retard
Then I took a little trip into a deck of cards
The diamond jack joker and the ace of spades
Was amazed at greater Cut Creator on the fade
Then I played cards with the queen of clubs
The queen of hearts with me cold fell in love
As for the queen of diamonds, she don't like men
Because you know that a diamond is a girl's best friend
The double-trouble spade was named the deuce
And the joker acted stupid, so we gave him the noose
There was 52 cards, and I met every one
That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done

[Verse 2]
Then I took a trip to the center of the earth
I was kinda scared, so E-Love went first
I met these funny little people, they called em skeezers
So I held on to my wallet like Ebeneezer
Tight leather pants that'll make you grunt
Two nice soft things right up front
The center of the earth ain't got no crime
Just people bodyrockin to the L.L. rhyme
If you're kinda confused to what a skeezer is
It's just a girl who's on my jock cause I'm in showbiz
There was a whole lotta skeezers, I dogged every one
That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done

[Verse 3]
Woke up late one afternoon
Realized I was in the world of cartoons
He-Man told me he'd beat me up
Because he thought that I looked like Donald Duck
Then I hung out with Spiderman
He told me he was gonna start a comic strip band
The Incredible Hulk was gonna play the drums
Charlie Brown grabbed the guitar and started to strum
Snoopy tried to rock on the microphone
But Tom & Jerry both said he should leave it alone
Then I hung out with Mickey Mouse
He had two freaks, so we went to his house
Mickey's freak was ugly, but mine was def
So I knocked it off until there wasn't none left
They were cartoon characters, I met every one
That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done

[Verse 4]
Since I'm a good friend of father time
I'm not gettin older as I say this rhyme
I was warmin the stove at the Alamo
Before Booth shot Lincoln I stole the show
I was down with George at the Delaware
But I wore a Kangol, not the fake white hair
Me and E-Love met Sitting Bull
We made a peace pipe, then we took a pull
Then he brought more leaves from a golden chest
You thought it was tabacco - the shit was cess
There was a lotta great men, and I met every one
That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done

[Verse 5]
11:33, I swear it's no sooner
I went inside my TV, I met The Honeymooners
Ralph wanted me to bust a couple of rhymes
But I had my eyes on Alice's behind
Norton came down right about that time
Lookin in the fridge, so he could swine and dine
Then I said to myself, I should give em a taste
So I pulled the microphone out my black briefcase
Said, it ain't Bob Hope or Barry Manilow
Then I borrowed Norton's hat, cause I forgot my Kangol
Ralph said, "I got a scheme, let me get to it"
"Norton, my pal," I said, "Yo, don't even do it"
They were all Honeymooners, and I met every one
That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done

[Verse 6]
Cause my tongue cuts sharp, I hit a note like a harp
Or a harmonica, Veronica, I do my part
In a bedroom with leg room I'm strong like a monsoon
Chilled in Maui-Waui and I carry a harpoon
Stopped at the isle that's Mali, cause we got ill
Wrote my name on a rock at the top of the hill
I searched for other ways, made love in caves
And I kicked the ill beats that make the natives raise
Now I'm gonna tell you what all this means
From Farmers Boulevard in St. Albans, Queens
There's a lyrical technician who came to play
Number one b-boy L.L. COOL J
All of this is just a story that I made up
Def lines I say on time with Cut Creator's cuts
Some of it's fiction, and some of it's fact
Not another common rap with a heavy drum track
A whole lotta rhymes, and I wrote every one
That story is over, and my rhyme IS DONE
HUH!

LL Cool J

Deriving his name from the statement “Ladies Love Cool James,” LL Cool J became a superstar rapper after his Def Jam debut in 1984. He mixed a hardcore hip-hop style from songs like “I’m Bad” with R&B style on songs like “I Need Love,” which led him to multi-platinum success and several awards. He would later venture into movies and television, write several books, and start different business ventures.

Born January 14, 1968, Queens, New York native James Todd Smith began rapping at the age of nine and started to seriously pursue rapping when he was 16 years old after his grandfather bought him music equipment, which he used to create a demo tape that was sent to numerous labels. He was signed by upstart independent label Def Jam, working with founders Russell Simmons and Rick Rubin to release his debut single “I Need a Beat” in 1984, which sold over 100,000 copies. This success helped Def Jam secure a distribution deal with Columbia Records.

LL released his debut album Radio in 1985, which achieved platinum status with help from the hit singles “I Can’t Live Without My Radio” and “Rock the Bells.” After working exclusively with Rick Rubin on his debut, LL worked with the West Coast production crew L.A. Posse on his second album Bigger and Deffer, released in 1987. The album featured two of LL’s signature the hard-edged “I’m Bad” and the “rap ballad” “I Need Love,” which was a Top 20 pop hit, helping the album achieve double platinum status.