If You Ever See Me Talking to a SailorRachel Tucker

When the wind's from the Eastern quarter
And there's a pungent taste of salt upon the breeze
Something troubles your insides
Like a scum upon the tides
Or something washed up on the beach down by the quays

Intuition's what a girl in love relies on
I should've known he only wanted to be free
I drew my line upon the sand
Only a fool would ever stand
Between a man and his involvement with the sea

And when the tide rolls out
You'll find your bed is empty and he's gone

So if you ever see me talking to a sailor
Some scurvy no-good mongrel of a tar
You knock the drink out of my hand
Push me over where I stand
Take a slug at me but somewhere I won't scar
Pin my body to the ground
And slap my face to bring me round
Then you can roll my silly ass out of this bar

For a sailor's not a man to be trusted
He'll bill and coo, call you his "chickadee"
Oh, but when he's had his way
All you'll get is his "good day"
Then he'll blow a kiss and scuttle back to sea

And when the tide rolls out
You'll find your bed is empty and he's gone

So if you ever see me talking to a sailor
And I blithely stand there passing time of day
No, don't you hesitate to think
Someone's tampered with your drink
And he's shaking out your handbag in the time it takes to blink
And all the booze you've ever bought him
He's just thrown up in the sink
Just call the funny farm and carry me away!

For a sailor's not a man to be trusted
He's treacherous as tides and hidden reefs
And just to get you up the stairs
He'll quote the Bible in his prayers
And before you know he's bound for Tenerife

And when the tide rolls out
You'll find your house is empty and he's gone
And when the tide rolls out
You'll find your heart is empty and he's gone

And when you become a woman of a certain age
You'll find it's difficult to trust a man
Difficult to gauge, when that bilge rat who left you
Without a living wage thinks there's still
That tawdry glamour of the sea
That, I swear to God's completely lost on me

So, if you ever see me talking to a sailor
Some mangy sea-dog skulking on the quay
Ah, just remind me what I've said
Or you can shoot me in the head
And then throw my bleeding body in the sea!

You'll find your bed is empty and he's--gone!