Released: September 16, 2003

Featuring: Apani B Fly

Songwriter: King Honey Apani B Fly MF DOOM

Producer: King Honey

[Verse 1: Viktor Vaughn]
Mmm... My cousin's friend's friend wanna meet me
Saw V on TV, said she need a sweetie
Heard he was the type to do her name in graffiti
And greet her with a kiss *mwah*, straight gentlemanly stee, a G
Whatever's meant to be is meant to be
She can slip a smile that make a nigga flip wild
Herringbone Name Chain, diamond chips, crips style
With the matching bracelet, sweats with the K-Swiss
Athletic chick who run track, "Hey, miss
Pleasure's all mine, please call me Vik"

[Verse 2: Apani B Fly as Nikki]
Okay, I did a full inspection
Head-to-toe, he rocked black denim (Mmm)
Flashed the grin, sweet as sin
Said to him: "Hey, my name's Nikki
You're twenty minutes late and almost missed me"
Turned off my CD, I was bumpin' vintage Biggie
("... and bullshit, and party ...")
Said: "I love the way you smile, but your eyes look tricky
Yo, I gotta be home by 8:30 or my moms'll kill me
She spazzes out when I'm late
Plus she says that I'm too young to date
So overprotective, I wish she'd take a sedative and shit
Yeah, but that's whatever, what's your perspective?
Tell me more about you, Vik"

[Verse 3: Viktor Vaughn]
It's love at first sight, that's the proof
He wasn't out right too thirst, but in truth
Fresh as a mayflower, face like power
He had the green light, she asked him: "What's the plan tonight?"
Flavor of the night, Samsara and Fahrenheit

[Verse 4: Apani B Fly as Nikki]
He talked, I listened
He listened, I spoke (True, true)
We walked arm-in-arm and split a Cherry Coke
Spit religion and politics, Sega and chess
Roots and culture, hip-hop, skunk and cess
I caught him sneekin' peeks at my breasts
While frontin', namedroppin' connects

[Verse 5: Viktor Vaughn]
First started out like she was just Vaughn's friend
Used to act grown for pretend, whisperin'
Speakin' on the phone, for hours on end
On the bone from just listenin', and then:
"Call me back, my mother home," spoke to tone, again
Call back and do the same thing tomorrow
If somethin' don't give, I'll be forced to ignore her
Gettin' on my last nerves, forget it
All this talking shiddit and V ain't even hit it yet
It's uncharacteristic of the vet

[Verse 6: Apani B Fly as Nikki]
Hickies on my neck; the whole last night, I couldn't sleep
Practice the words I used to greet you the next time we meet
Think of you and feel heat, that make my cheeks blush
Close my eyes and feel your touch
Get chills when you slip me tongue, picture me with you
Could my fantasies of teen love come true?
Got me wonderin' how far I'll go
To prove my moms and everybody wrong
I miss you every time I hear a love song and whenever you're gone
Until I see you, then, I feel short of breath
I think maybe I'm ready, to take the next step... (Yes)

[Verse 7: Viktor Vaughn]
Bet, I got your cab fare, dinner and a movie
Bring a change of clothes just in case it's all groovy
Watch when I see you, I miss you a lot, yo
How about a nightcap, maybe a bottle of Mo'?
So V can bite your titties like a baby toddler, ho

[Verse 8: Apani B Fly as Nikki & Viktor Vaughn]
Oh no, you didn't! You called me a what?
Don't make me wig out
How you gonna let some shit like that slip out your mouth?
(Nah, I was just...)
If I was there, I'd smack you in your smirk (Ooh)
For actin' like a jerk, thought you was cool
But now I doubt the shit is gonna work
I'm not hurt, I'm pissed off, kiss off
Fuck this shit

[Verse 9: Viktor Vaughn]
Wait, I know I play too much
Hey, on the way, could you please pick up two Dutch?
Okay, peace, see you when you touch
I wonder if she ever had her cootie cat ate-ate
Vaughn can't wait to long-stroke it on the late-late

[Verse 10: Apani B Fly as Nikki]
Wait, first, let's get this shit straight-straight (Right now)
Don't call me out my name, I'm not the one to get played-played
Out... Niggas, go figure 'em out
They're all the same-same with a lame-lame story
Like my ex-man Mike
Got my best friend pregnant and he still tryin' to call me
Well, fuck Mike and fuck Vik, too
I wound up on Prozac from all the shit he put me through
Only been off my prescription three weeks
And you got me flippin', rippin' my hair out
Never thought you'd treat me like a pigeon, I'm out
It's over, I'm gone, so long

[Refrain: Apani & Viktor]
I'd rather masturbate than fuck with Vik Vaughn
I'd rather masturbate than fuck with Vik Vaughn
Let me watch
I'd rather masturbate than fuck with Vik Vaughn

[Outro: Viktor]
Still... so.. so-so what time you gonna be here, yo?
Aight?
You know I'm gonna be waitin', yo, just holla and ring the buzzer
Three

Viktor Vaughn

Viktor Vaughn is one of MF DOOM’s many characters, existing in his own creative universe. According to an interview with NPR, Viktor Vaughn is a scientist and rapper from another dimension in which hip-hop is banned. He is traveling the cosmos looking for the best place to practice his art. He lands on Earth and his time machine breaks, leaving him stranded. He spends his time here touring the open mic circuit.

The name is based on Doctor Doom’s real name, Victor Von Doom, a supervillain, a genius inventor and a sorcerer.