RefillLou From Paradise

[Intro]
Yeah, yeah

[Verse]
And I still stay high, just more lowkey now
I quit the lean and OE, it only slowed me down
Been tryna get a hold of myself 'cause you would never hold me down
My new girls miss the old me now, yeah
And shit, I think I hate myself, yeah
Like lately I just ain't myself, yeah
Been on the road tryna save everybody else
And I can't even save myself but shit, uh
Been disgusted in the mirror, tryna function at this function
I ain't even wanna be here but I gotta show face more
I gotta see my place more
I'm used to being homeless, I don't ever like to stay long, yeah
So how could I expect you to wait
When I been wakin' up lately and forgettin' the state
Stay in a daze so I'm spaced out, forgettin' the day
Tryna remember why the fuck I even get in this game
It's like, everytime I see my nieces they older
Ain't even seein' 'em grow up, what if they needed a shoulder?
And the girl I love is still on the block I left
Think my old friend is smokin' rocks again
I just wish I could talk to him
I just wish we could start again to relive this shit
Before the city took our innocence
Tryna play the hand I'm dealt, from where they dealin' shit
I can't even deal with shit, fuck rap and a deal and shit
I feel guilty, my old homies is still in the field, really
Probably screamin' fuck me, so I don't know how to feel, really
They all say they love me, look around they ain't still with me
A lot that's concealed in me, a lot of it's ill
Gettin' high so the pain'll stop
When I was younger, I used to think I could save the block
Now I'm spending bands like I don't know how to save a lot
My ex say I changed a lot, I can't even say that it's not true
All this fame, I forgot Lou, all this drink, I forgot you
At least I did until the mornin'
I used to go places people knew me so I could feel important
I used to want people to see me and now I can't avoid it
And it still ain't fillin' this void
I don't know what's real anymore
I'm lyin' to people I love, I don't think I feel anymore
A lost boy with lost marbles
I lost star and found stardom
I found me when I lost all 'em, yeah
I dream about you and I don't know what it means, yeah
Some Jean Grey shit, I don't know what it seems like
But I fell a fiend and rose a Phoenix, my flow the meanest
They ain't get the vision, I always seen it
Fuck the scene, I seen what it does to people
So fuck it, y'all could keep it
I'll die the meanest and live the nicest, I didn't write this
I bombed the paper like ISIS
A bad vibe is in your words you not speakin'
I could peep it so I'm defeatin'
Anyone who think they runnin' this race that I started
With the baton they never gave me I'll take it the farthest
I need million dollar mansions, you thinkin' apartments
Guess that's what set us apart, dawg, you thinkin' in boxes
And I left that, kid from the West that
Said fuck dealin', no drug cured 'em, I'm stuck ill
And Wayne before prison too dedicated so fuck ceilings
And fuck feelings, in this cycle of life I'm one-wheelin'
Training-wheel rappers be braggin' 'bout how they never fallin'
Ain't changed they number but wonder why I was never callin'
I call it spade-to-spade, hands I'm dealt
Bet I play blind folded and still Blackjack while I call your bluff
All these rappers you callin' tough, shit is all a front
I never fronted or backed down, it was all or nothing
Remember days that I ain't eat and got a smaller stomach
Remember we was smokin' weed, they on a stronger substance now
And a lot of them turned they back on me
I left home with no intentions of turning back, homie
The drugs stopped workin' while I'm battlin' this
I was broke, all I had was reality checks
Losing people over business and they say don't take it personal
It isn't, but I'm startin' to think different
Yeah, but I started to think, listen
Fuck the dissin' and "Who's missin'?"
Remember why I even started this mission
I can't do shit if my heart isn't in it
My minds gone and man, that shit has been gone for a minute
But then again, everyone that I ever met up in this game shady
Ironic, I'm the one that they compare to Em
I played crazy and got lost in that shit
On some Heath Ledger shit but still he'd never quit
I'm from Painkiller Paradise, where E wet and spliffs all they know
I told myself that I would be better, bitch, yeah
Sometimes I wish I picked up a different profession
But how else could I deal with this built up aggression?
Fucked over so many times but I still been finessin'
Shit, sometimes I think I'm cursed but it's still been a blessin'
I lit the fuse, would've been quit but got shit to prove
My shit list is a page or two
I charge it to the game and paid my dues
So listen, dude, I got shit to move
From the same hood as some killers but I got different views
I speak ill, it's love, peace, but I beat kill each scale
Doc said I'm sick, shit, I agree still
I'm prescribed to real shit so here's a free pill
Back-to-back like Meek Mill if you need a refill, yeah
If you need a refill

[Interlude: Lou's Mom]
Hey, sweetie
Ugh, I'm sending you a big hug, my love
I was just thinking about you too
Just hang in there, just— just for today
Just for today, papi, know that I love you
Know that this too is gonna pass and it sucks
And I'm so sorry, I am so sorry, my heart bleeds for you
What you're going through, all of this
You can do this though, I know you can
Just right now, need you strong too
I love you, I love you so much baby
Bye, honey

[Outro: Alina Baraz]
I'm all yours, all yours
And I'm all yours (Show me)
I'm all yours, all yours
I'm all yours