Spooky SongSaturday Night Live

(Spoken)
[TYLER'S GIRLFRIEND]
Baby, this is too spooky. Let's just go back to the party

[TYLER]
Oh, come on. It’s Halloween. We gotta hook up in a graveyard

[TYLER'S GIRLFRIEND]
Do we, though? Tyler, what's happening?

[TYLER]
I don't know

(Song)
[GHOSTS]
On Halloween your breath is taken
For tonight the dead awaken
Listen well, our living friends
And hear how we all met our ends

(Spoken)
[TYLER'S GIRLFRIEND]
Oh my God, Tyler, they’re gonna sing about how they died!

[TYLER]
I know, I'm scared!

(Song)
[CAPTAIN GHOST]
I was a captain at my ship's wheel
A heart of gold and nerves of steel
I fell overboard one night so dark
And I swam just fine, but so did the shark

[SOUTHERN BELLE GHOST]
I was a debutante, the belle of the ball
Men would chase me from spring to fall
I never met a flame I couldn't handle
Until my gown met a candle

[CHANCE GHOST]
We can skip me
Happy Halloween!

(Spoken)
[TYLER'S GIRLFRIEND]
Is that all he's gonna do?

[PROSPECTOR GHOST]
Yeah, I was wonderin' the same thing. That's it?

[CHANCE GHOST]
Yes, skip me

[PROSPECTOR GHOST]
Okay, I'll go, then. Nobody has ever skipped before. I’m sorry

(Song)
I was a miner, diggin’ for gold
Then one day, I hit the mother lode
I grabbed a cigar, gave it a light
Turned out my stogie was dynamite
Hee hee hee!

(Spoken)
[CHANCE GHOST]
Wow, everyone did great, and I think we're done here, right?

{CAPTAIN GHOST]
No, uh uh. It’s the ditty of the damned. All four of us have a tale to tell of our deaths before we can go back to our graves. That's how it works, so come on

[CHANCE GHOST]
Yeah, here's the thing. My death was a real "you had to be there" situation, needs a lot of context. I don't wanna waste anybody’s time

[CAPTAIN GHOST]
Sing now!

[CHANCE GHOST]
Oh my God, fine. I'll go. Ready?

(Song)
One dark night with the moon so red
What killed me happened, and now I'm dead
Happy Halloween!

(Spoken)
[TYLER'S GIRLFRIEND]
Wait, but like, how did you die?

[CHANCE GHOST]
Ha, ghosts never tell

[TYLER'S GIRLFRIEND]
But they do, though. That's what this whole song is about

[TYLER]
Is he allowed to be vague like that?

[CAPTAIN GHOST]
He is not

[CHANCE GHOST]
All right! It's gonna sound way worse than it actually is. You guys know what a 9-volt battery is, right? It's important for the song

(Song)
At 12 years old, I sat on a 9-volt
It gave my heinie a quick little jolt
I liked how it felt, so I did it a lot
But I built up a tolerance to lower watt
Then I realized there's no higher volt
Than the one that comes from a lightning bolt
So one stormy night, I went to my roof
And I put a metal pole in my ass

(Spoken)
Yo, why y'all? I can't do this right now. Y'all lookin' at me like I'm some sorta freak or somethin'

[SOUTHERN BELLE GHOST]
No one is judging you

[CHANCE GHOST]
Yes, you are. Look at that owl

[CAPTAIN GHOST]
Oh, forget about the owl. Just finish the song

[CHANCE GHOST]
Okay, God. Okay, everybody remember where we left off?

[PROSPECTOR GHOST]
Yes, you're on the roof with a pole in your ass. Heck, would've done the same thing myself

[CHANCE GHOST]
Really?

[PROSPECTOR GHOST]
No, man! It's weird as hell! Just go

[CHANCE GHOST]
Whatever

(Song)
Like Benjamin Franklin with his key and kite
That lightning hit my pole that night
I squealed with delight, but I quickly stopped
When my insides fried and my colon popped
And my ass burnt off and my thing caught on fire and my face caught on fire and I went in my pants
Happy Halloween!

(Spoken)
[CAPTAIN GHOST]
What the hell is wrong with you, man?

[CHANCE GHOST]
Nothin'! I was a kid, man. Kids do weird stuff

[SOUTHERN BELLE GHOST]
You died in your 20s

[CHANCE GHOST]
Whatever! Let's just finish the song

(Song)
[GHOSTS]
Listen to the dead, the voices of the past
And live every day like it's your last
Happy Halloween!