Letter to My 16-Year-Old SelfWatsky

Sup, bitch!
Na, I'm just messin' with ya
What I meant to say was, "Never give up!
Always be yourself."
It's gonna suck hearing that over and over as you get older
But as stereotypes start with a grain of truth
Cliches begin with a boulder
And no matter what you're an animal, a born natural
So you don't need some motivational speaker asshole
Feeding you reheated inspirational corn casserole
You magical bastard!
Get it through your brain, inject it in your vein
Get infected with the strain
The strange idea you're a reflection of the greats who came before
More than science
Our body's our history's oldest appliance
We're piggyback riding the shoulders of giants
Which is how we survive when the ceilings keep getting higher
And the light bulbs keep burning out
We learn by word of mouth
And when your time has passed, don't drag each other down
Cause being a crab in a bucket is mad lonely
Be the crab escaping from crab prison
Who creates a crab rope out the window made only of crab homies
Cause we're in this together
Future you is just past you with new molecules
We shoot the old ones out follicles
And hair is dead cells, so our faults get shed well
Meaning our parts that are hard to adore
Get mopped up on the barber shop floor
In other words
Although you often don't remember people's names
Or are at the center of attention at all the wrong times
And spend, roughly, six hours a night on your side
Watching Boy Meets World reruns
You are capable of outgrowing that bullshit
I'm aware there is doubt
I don't believe in hell, but I believe in my parents' couch
You're gonna get depressed sometimes
You're gonna have weeks where you don't feel like eating
Where gravity is working overtime like it's afraid of getting laid off
And you can barely lift your fork to your mouth
And you are going to have a choice
Do you wanna see this world as ugly, or beautiful?
Wanna know what I think?
Well go fuck yourself! This is my poem
And I think the universe is great
It's like God just chucked a bunch of candy into space
And Earth is a jawbreaker
So it doesn't matter if you've got the biggest mouth
You can't just chew the world up and spit it out
You've gotta savor it
From the grandest to the blandest nook and cranny
Every crooked alley, every mountain, brook, and valley
From Candyland to Cali
That's been stamped by Rand McNally
Ordinary is outstanding!
So don't be impressed by mere miracles
And FYI, looking like a crusty hippy doesn't make you spiritual
You're gonna have to climb through a thorny mess of
Contradictions, underground rivers, and sometimes
What you love the most will cause your biggest problem
Because you know what's awesome?
World peace
And you know what else is awesome?
Catapults
And that's just the goddamn truth
This world is so confusing
But you're gonna be fine
You're gonna be fine