Crazy Rap (Colt 45 & 2 Zig-Zags)Afroman

[Intro]
Wait a minute, man, hey, check this out, man (Tell it)
It was this blind man, right? (This man) It was this blind man, right?
He was feelin' his way down the street with a stick, right? (Hey)
He walked past this fish market, you know what I'm sayin'?
(Fish market?) He stopped, he took a deep breath, he said
*sniffs* "Woo good morning ladies" (Hahahahaha)
You like that shit, man? Hey man, I've got a gang of that shit, man
Hey, I'll tell you what, we'll all have a good time
We'll fool on the drum, and hey
Hey if everybody crowd around the mic'
I'll tell you all these motherfuckin' jokes I got
First I'm gonna start off like that, hey help me sing it, homeboy

[Chorus]
Said Colt 45 and two Zig-Zags, baby, that's all we need
We can go to the park, after dark, smoke that tumbleweed
As the marijuana burn, we can take our turn
Singin' them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech & Chong
And sell tapes from here to Hong Kong
So roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems
Feelin' high as hell, flyin' through Palmdale, skatin' on Dayton rims
So roll, roll, the '83 Cadillac Coupe DeVille
If my tapes and my CDs just don't sell, I bet my Caddy will

[Verse 1]
Well, it was just sundown in a small white town
They call it East Side Palmdale (Well)
When the Afroman walked through the white land
Houses went up for sale (Sale)
Well, I was standing on the corner sellin' rap CDs
When I met a little girl named Jan (Jan), I let her ride in my Caddy
'Cause I didn't know her daddy was the leader of the Ku Klux Klan
(Haha) We fucked on the bed, fucked on the floor (Woo)
Fucked so long I grew a fuckin' afro
Then I fucked to the left (Left), fucked to the right (Right)
She sucked my dick 'til the shit turned white (Haha)
Thought to myself, "Sheeba-sheeba", got my ass lookin' like a zebra
I put on my clothes and I was on my way
Until her daddy pulled up in a Chevrolet (Oh)
So I ran, I jumped out the back window
But her daddy, he was waitin' with a two-by-four
Oh (Haha), he beat me to the left, he beat me to the right
The motherfucker whooped my ass all night
But I ain't mad at her prejudiced dad
That's the best damn pussy I ever had (Haha)
Got a bag of weed and a bottle of wine (Woo)
I'm gonna fuck that bitch just one more time

[Chorus]
Colt 45 and two Zig-Zags, baby, that's all we need (Come on)
We can go to the park, after dark, smoke that tumbleweed
And as the marijuana burn, we can take our turn
Singin' them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech & Chong
And sell tapes from here to Hong Kong
So roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems
Feelin' high as hell, flyin' through Palmdale, skatin' on Dayton rims
(Come on) So roll, roll, the '83 Cadillac Coupe DeVille
If my tapes and my CDs just don't sell, I bet my Caddy will (Uh)

[Verse 2]
I met this lady in Hollywood
She had green hair, but damn she looked good
I took her to my house because she was fine
But she whooped out a dick that was bigger than mine
I met this lady from Japan, never made love with an African
I fucked her once, I fucked her twice
I ate that pussy like shrimp-fried rice
Don't be amazed at the stories I tell ya (Tell ya)
I met a woman in the heart of Australia
Had a big butt and big titties too
So I hopped in her ass like a Kangaroo
See, I met this woman from Hawaii
Stuck it in her ass and she said "AIEE!"
Lips was breakfast, pussy was lunch
Then her titties busted open with Hawaiian Punch
I met Colonel Sanders' wife in the state of Kentucky
She said, "I'd fry some chicken if you'd just fuck me"
I came in her mouth, it was a crisis
I gave her my secret blend of Herbs 'n' Spices

[Chorus]
Colt 45 and two Zig-Zags, baby, that's all we need (Uh)
We can go to the park, after dark, smoke that tumbleweed (Uh)
And as the marijuana burn, we can take our turn
Singin' them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech & Chong
(Ay, wait a minute man, check this out man, ayy ha)
And sell tapes from here to Hong Kong

[Verse 3]
I met Dolly Parton in Tennessee
Her titties were filled with Hennessy
That country music really drove me crazy
But I rode that ass and said, "Yes, Miss Daisy"
Met this lady in Oklahoma, put that pussy in a coma
Met this lady in Michigan, I can't wait 'til I fuck that bitch again
Met a real black girl down in South Carolina
Fucked her until she turned into a white albino
Fucked this hooker in Iowa, I fucked her on credit, so I owe her
(Haha) Fucked this girl down in Georgia
Came in her mouth, man, I thought I told ya?
Met this beautiful sexy hoe
She just ran across the border of Mexico
Fine young thing said her name's Maria
I wrapped her up just like a hot tortilla
I wanna get married, but I can't afford it
I know I'ma cry when she get deported

[Chorus]
Colt 45 and two Zig-Zags, baby, that's all we need (Come on)
We can go to the park, after dark, smoke that tumbleweed (Uh)
And as the marijuana burn, we can take our turn
Singin' them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech & Chong
And sell tapes from here to Hong Kong
So roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems
Feelin' high as hell, flyin' through Palmdale, skatin' on Dayton rims
(Come on) So roll, roll, the '83 Cadillac Coupe DeVille
If my tapes and my CDs just don't sell...

Extended version with a fourth and final verse:

[Verse 4]
Have you ever went over a girl's house to fuck
But the pussy just ain't no good? (Say what?)
I mean, you gettin' upset because you can't get her wet
Plus you in the wrong neighborhood
So you try to play it off and eat the pussy
But it take her so long to cum
Then a dude walk in, that's her big boyfriend
And he asks you, "Where you from?"
So you wipe your mouth and you try to explain
You start talking real fast
But he already mad 'cause you fucking his woman
So he start beating on yo' ass, now your clothes all muddy
Your nose all bloody, your dick was hard but now it's soft
You thought you had a girl to rock your world
Now you still gotta go jack off
Said Colt 45 and two Zig-Zags, baby, that's all we need
We can go to the park, after dark, smoke that tumbleweed