SeshRadio: Volume 3BONES

[Skit 1: BONES & Scroggie Jones]

YOU ARE NOW TUNED INTO SESH RADIO

Ladies and gentlemen this is, uh, the lead programmer of Sesh Radio, Flex Carmichael here. Uh, we have some very unfortunate news, um. Our dear brother and friend, Chip Kipperly, has passed this afternoon and um, you know were all gonna mourn for him, but we're gonna-- we're gonna listen to this tape like he would want us to. Remember the good times. Because that’s what he would want. Rest in peace Kip
(His name is Chip)
We’re gonna miss you buddy
(His name is Chip, man)

Alright, Flex, we’re going live in 3.. (Anywho) 2.. 1..
Uh, we’re gonna go ahead and pass this over to my man, um, he’s a new intern here. He’s gonna be taking over and he’s gonna tell you guys what’s going on with the weather. Go ahead

How’s it going everybody? This is Gavin, the intern, testing out and trying the new equipment we have here at Sesh Radio, I’m gettin’ the hang of things. Lot of knobs, lot of... new… it’s a lot of stuff I’m-- honestly, I’m not really used to equipment like this. Hold on…

[Muffled voice] Hear me? (Hold on)
(No we can’t hear you)
[Muffled voice clearer] Do you hear me?
[Shuffling]
[Sound fucked up] The sound is completely fucked up. All the inputs are fucked
[Static Noise] Gavin, what-- What’d you fuck up Gavin?

[Beep]

[Instrumental]

SORRY, WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
PLEASE STAND BY FOR PAID PROGRAMMING 2
PLEASE STAND BY FOR PAID PROGRAMMING 2

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your patience. We’re gonna bring you a new record from Ricky A Go-Go, called "The Countdown". 5... 4... 3... 2... Now play it, Ricky A Go-Go "Countdown"

[Song 1: Ricky A Go-Go - "The Countdown"]

[Verse]
Lemme tell you like this
I don't care if you moving bricks
I pay no mind if you trying to speak
You ruin the lives of everybody you meet
And everybody you don’t, people down the street
Turn your neighborhood into a place for creeps
But soon you will see how they make the beat
When it's time for me to leave and you forever to sleep

[Chorus]
Time's running out
I fear it now
I'm counting down
4- 3- 2- 1
Time's running out
I fear it now
I'm counting down
4- 3- 2

[Outro]
Until the end of time
Come dance with me
Come dance with me, oh, until the end of time
Come dance with me
Come dance with me, oh, until the end of time
Come dance with me
Come dance with me, oh, until the end of time

[Skit 2: Scroggie Jones]

COMING SOON TO SESH TV

Robber 1: Alright mane in and out mane, no casualties this time, alright?
Robber 2: Yeah yeah I know, just keep the car runnin', go on
Gimme all the fuckin' money or I'll blow your fuckin' brains out!
Roach: Hey, down here. How you doin' tough guy? The name's Roach. Get on the fuckin' ground scumbag

Coming this winter, it's the insect with all the moves, Roach, private eye. Cockroach detective

[Skit 3: Scroggie Jones]

DJ Fondle-Em-Good: Hello out there, you are listening to the Swank (so meaty) the Swank Hour with DJ Fondle-Em-Good and today, we're gonna pick up where we left off. I'm gonna take some phone calls. Give a little advice and whatnot and what-have-you. Mmhmm. You know the number. Give me a call at 213-888-2202. What's that? All righty, okay. Let's get it going. Caller, you're on the line

Roy: Hey, am I-- am I on the air?
DJF: Ye- yeah you're on the air man
Roy: Oh okay. Hey this is Roy out of Wichita
DJF: How's it going Roy?
Roy: And uh--hey, hows it going, Fondle-Em?Thanks
DJF: I'm doing all right man, I'm doing all right. You?
Roy: Glad to be a guest. Um, uh, I have to tell you man, my son called in for some advice the other day and I didn't really appreciate the advice you gave him
DJF: Well, uh, maybe you should've gave him the advice, motherfucker
Roy: I-I mean, I don't know why he called you and he didn't call me, I don't know man, but, maybe--
DJF: Get the hell off my line
Roy:Okay Fondle-Em
DJF: Playing around and whatnot man, next caller
Roy: Hey, w-w--

Caller 2: Hello? Hello? Am I really on? DJ Fondle-Em!
DJF: Man, get the hell of my dick and get off my line
Caller 2: [?]
DJF: Somebody gettin' fired today. Didn't I tell y'all to get him off my line? Playing around, man

For our next segment, we gonna do a crowd favorite, mmmmhmm, uh-mmhmm. You know what to do. Call in, ask me what you wanna ask me and I'ma give you my honest opinion because dammit, that's the only opinion I give. Mm

Caller 3: Fondle-Em bro, long time listener here man. Hey, check it out man, if I ever see you man I'm gonna shit the bed all over myself bro, I swear to you on everything bro. Anyway, I really appreciate what you're doing out there, out there in the states and all that, and uh, again, we-we-you've got a big fanbase out here, believe it or not bro. Fondle-Em bro, the mm-hmm or the mm-mm, bro. I really appreciate that, that segment man, we don't have that type of slang out here, and it's really catching on bro, like I-I talk to my, my comrades, and bwubwubwuh I swear to God, bro, they said "mmhmm" and I thought about you, and--
DJF: You got three seconds, man
Caller 3: Anyway, my "mmhmm" on the hmmhmm for today is, fucking... you know when you first meet the girl, and then she wants to, you don't know who's gonna buy who lunch, man, you know what I mean? What do you do in that event, what do you do? I know what I would do, but what would you do, bro? Thank you
DJF: Listen, first of all, I don't even go on dates man, so that's a nmmm-mmm. And, secondly, you know the rules man. Make it quick and to the point. No long winded explanations and run-on sentences and all this extra hibbity-hoo. My time is valuable. And, you all know that so why am I...? See, look at, you, you affecting me now, man, I'm pulling one of your moves. I'm all out of whack, so I'ma go ahead and call it a night. It's always a pleasure to have you tuning in to Fondle-Em FM. Signing off is your host, Fondle-Em-Good, and I'll see you next time, baby

[Skit 4]

AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS

"Down to the ground, pussy! You are a fucking maggot if I've ever seen one, get your ass up! Up! Up! Up! God, you're disgusting! You're looking like some sort of pussy. Come on now, I need you to go up. Down, hold it, up, all around, act like you've got some peaches in between your legs boy, come on!"

"I remember my first day I was on the other end of that. Coach rolled me so hard I threw up. And then I had to clean it up, cause that's what lackeys have to do. You have to start off at the bottom of the food chain and then climb up like me. Now the guys help me with forms, and I'm one of the fellas that are drinking muscle milk. You don't believe me? Here's a word from the guys."

Brad: This is Brad
Travis: And this is Travis
Brad: And together we run--
(together): IRON GAINS GYM
Brad: When I met Travis fours years ago, Travis was a disgusting pig. Am I right, Travis?
Travis: It's true, I was a disgusting pig. And when I met Brad, he turned my life around. I couldn't even get a girl to look my way
Brad: And now, you're bumping uglies with at least five chicks every night, right?
Travis: Every night. I can't keep 'em away
Brad: If that's not motivation, then I don't know what is
Travis: And if I can do it, you can do it! So come on and join us at--
(together): IRON GAINS GYM
Brad: Right off the South 9-5 freeway, three easy payments of 7 dollars and 95 cents, open 23 hours a day, call 714-818-3292. So come and join us, tell 'em Brad--
Travis: And Travis!
Brad: --Sent ya

[Skit 5: Smitty the BG]

REST IN PEACE KIP CHIPPERLY
HEAVEN GAINED ANOTHER ANGEL
GOODNIGHT SWEET PRINCE

Hey, it's you guy SmittyBG here. Bouta teach you guys how to, um, cook some waffles with ol' Smitty. Heh. So yeah, what you do is um, you get the, uh, batter. You put it in the waffle maker by uh, Sesh Corporations. And yeah, you put it in there, you wait about a good five minutes. Let it steam up real quick. Take it out, and then you got some, um, clean-pressed waffles. Yup, nice and buttery, ready to go in your mouth. So yeah. If you need any more tips, call here at Sesh Radios, and the number is (333)333-3331. So, um, yeah. Now, um... take it back to Rick here for some more smooth sounds on Sesh Radio

[Song 2: ? by Ricky A Go-Go]

[Verse]
I could stay around for you
I will stay a while with you
Just give me the go
Baby, I know how it go
You know I go with the flow
[?], I'm sure
I could stay around for you
I will stay a while with you
Just give me the go
Baby, I know how it go
You know I go with the flow
[?], I'm sure

[Skit 6]

Come down to Woodley's Logs. We got... a deal goin' on this weekend. Ten logs for ten dollars. You can use it to burn in your house, or you could burn it in your backyard, or you could burn it in your car. Should be an easy decision. You have no choice but to come to Woodley's Logs. Right around the corner

[Skit 7]

NOW FOR YOUR LOCAL FORECAST

Hey guys, Drew Donahue here, with the weather. Just wanna say that it's-- it's good to be here right now. All cross the board, it's-- it's pretty hot, man. So, I hope you got your sun cream, I hope you're-- you're in the shade, and, uh, just tryna stay cool out there. Uh, y'know, wh-- what I like to do when it's really hot is I just like to sit in the house, boom that A/C, y'know? And uh, just make a few phone calls. Call my friends and family, and say "Hey, y'know, how you doin' today, man?" And-- and-- y'know? I don't wanna take up too much of your time. Like I said, it doesn't matter where the hell you are right now. Huh, 'scuse my French. It's just hot, man, y'know? Wow. It's a scorcher. I've never seen anything like it in my thirty years of weather. You're probably wondering who the hell I am. Never heard of me, but... you get used to me. I'm, um, I'm the guy now. Rest in peace, Kip-- Chip. Chip Kipperly was his name, I think

[Skit 8: BONES]

*bagpipes playing*
No! Stop it, we don't need the fucking bagpipes--
*bagpipes stop*
--right now
I didn't say that
*bagpipes continue, then stop*
Wanna fucking do the thing right now?
*bagpipes continue*
We'll do--
*bagpipes stop*
We'll do the memorial right now
*bagpipes continue*
Kip was a great friend of mine. [?] gonna share? We're gonna pass the fuckin' shit around the studio? We'll do this later
Okay
*beep*

[Skit 9: Eddy Baker]

Billy Van Robinson: Well, how's it going out there? It's Billy Van Robinson from Sesh Radio. Just wanna say thanks to all our listeners out there, tuning in. Hope you have a stellar Tuesday afternoon. Before we carry on, we got a good friend of mine here today to show you his company's new product. Say, Robert, why don't you fill them in?

Robert: Well, Billy, I'm here to talk to you ladies and gentlemen about the best and strongest truck nuts on the market today. We call 'em Uncle Ricky's Swangin' Stinkies, and they'll be available at practically any store you go to. Make sure you pick 'em up, cause these babies are beautiful. We got green, blue, yellow, chrome, red, and now, RealTree Camo nuts. So go get you some. Thanks for having me on the show, Billy. Appreciate you

Billy: Yeah, don't mention it, Robert. It was nice havin' you. Now we're gonna return to Sesh Radio. Thanks, everyone

[Song 3: ? by Ricky A Go-Go]

[?]

[Skit 10]

Hello, friends. Have you recently lost someone near and dear to your soul? Don't fret. Because now, you can take them everywhere, with the Stein brothers' new... Ouija Watch. Here's a few testimonials

Customer: Yeah, man. I lost my pap not too long ago. With this Ouija Watch, we always keep in contact now
?, quietly: Send it... send it...

[Skit 11: BONES]

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your boy, DJ Stinky Nuts [?]. Just wanted to say thank you on behalf of the Sesh corporate broadcasting team here at S-E-S-H Radio. Thank you for joining us to host this beautiful broadcast. We have two more things on the agenda for tonight. We have another word from one of our sponsors. (THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO SESH RADIO.) And also, we have a moment of silence that we are going to indulge in for our brother Kip

[Skit 12]

*bell rings twice*
Hello. Light the way with [?] brand light bulbs. We promise to always show you the way and guide you to your destination-- wherever it may be. You can find us on the corner of Kirth Avenue and [?] Boulevard in Los Angeles. We'll make you feel right at home

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO SESH RADIO