Cosmo Jarvis

Released: November 16, 2009

Songwriter: Cosmo Jarvis

Producer: Cosmo Jarvis

[Intro: Radio announcer]
…They are saying… Police are saying, Oakdale police are saying that, uh… Reese was strangled by something other than a human hand…

He only goes out on tuesdays ‘cause there’s only two days
The world’s dead enough for him to show his face
'Cause he’s a disgrace to humanity
Sits back asks “why’s the world so mad at me?”
He follows them silently, wickedly, savagely
“Their own fault”, he says
“They never look back at me
Even keep track of me
Only forget me because of the lack of me.”

Could be my fault, could be mother's
It could be because I was hit by my brothers
I’ve just never really been noticed by others
I think it dates back to when I was six
My daddy would whip me and teach me these tricks
That I’d do whenever his friends were around
Always on all fours, down on the ground
I did this until I was nine and a half
And the old corner shop was looking for staff
Not much of path, I know
But the wrath of my dad was unbearable
Yes everybody that coat was unwearable
Us paper children are certainly terrible
Sex with Satan seemed comparable

There I was
Nine years old, so damn cold
In a shack, with a dad who didn’t get old
Time went by, I couldn’t rely
On father time to kill this guy
He smoked a lot, but no lung cancer
(Yes friends, knives, they were the answer)

[Chorus]
These are the thing that people do
These are the thing that people do

I’d like that job at the corner shop
I needed cash but first to stop
This mess, it’s not the way to be
They play with me
And now I think I’m drowning in depravity
Drowning in depravity
Drowning in depravity
Drowning in depravity

The old man left my collar on at bedtime
Chains around my feet
My bedtime stories
“Go to sleep you cunt!”
Were always short and sweet
After mother passed away
The house was sold in just three days
Dad began to search around to try and find a brand new place

In the woods is spooky
Or that’s the way it seemed
Dad looked at me said “Now
No-one has to hear you scream.”

The shack was just one room
With one black and white television
Even as a nine year-old
Suicide was my decision
Only way to leave this prison

Can’t cut your throat with your hands tied
Believe me I’ve tried
I failed and I cried
And I am now stuck inside

So, I live in an old, scrapped fridge
No light except sometimes the moon
Dad was funny that way
Said he wanted his own room
I tried to dream of something nice
Storybooks, nights, princes
I can’t sleep tonight though
'Cause of my collar and the neck it pinches

That’s it now, no more
Big war gonna be fought
Gonna pick myself up
And walk out that door
I hear freedom’s sweet call
But wait
I’m a nine-year-old chained to a wall
And when the shack gets black
Have to get back to sleep
Now weep, how sad I am
Have to kill daddy, that’s my plan

Have to kill daddy, that’s my plan
Have to kill daddy, that’s my plan
Have to kill daddy, that’s my plan
Have to kill daddy, that’s my plan

[Chorus]
These are the thing that people do
These are the thing that people do
These are the thing that people do
These are the thing that people do

[Outro: Radio announcer]
The body of nine-year-old 'Reese Jones’ was found this morning after he was murdered by strangulation. His remains were discovered in what locals described as a 'disused ranger shack’ in the Upper Eastbourne County Forest. Next of kin were informed at about noon. Sam Jones, brother of Reese’s late mother Lindsey Jones told Oakdale County Sheriff’s department upon receiving news of the tragedy that Reese vanished into thin air almost three years ago following his mother Lindsey’s unexpected death. No suspects have yet been identified due to a lack of physical evidence. Reese’s grief stricken father Neville Jones told us today:
“I can’t believe this has happened, he was my everything”

Critic, journalist, sometime musician, onetime actor, and full-time Midwesterner Mark Deming provides a discographic-based biography for Cosmo Jarvis:

“Singer, songwriter, and filmmaker Cosmo Jarvis has earned a devoted following for his witty, often satiric tunes about the foibles of relationships and contemporary life, often rooted in personal experience, as well as his own self-produced videos and short subjects that have given his work a global online audience. Harrison Cosmo Krikoryan Jarvis was born on September 1, 1989 in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Jarvis' family relocated to the United Kingdom when he was young, and he grew up in Devon in Southwest England. Jarvis began writing songs when he was only 12 years old, around the same time he began making short films using a VHS video camera. While Jarvis' early videos were little more than documentation of pranks played with his friends, with time he began constructing more complex narratives, and similarly his songs began to evolve, ranging from folk-inspired acoustic guitar pieces and elaborate pop tunes to tongue-in-cheek hip-hop tracks.

At the age of 16, Jarvis quit school to focus on his creative work, and in 2009 he wrote and produced his debut album, an 18-song set called Humasyouhitch/Sonofabitch, which was released by the British indie label Wall of Sound. The album combined Jarvis' observational tunes with a cycle of songs reflecting the emotional turmoil of his parents' stormy relationship. Humasyouhitch/Sonofabitch received enthusiastic notices from the British music press, but it didn’t sell especially well, and Jarvis teamed with 25th Frame for his second release, Is the World Strange or Am I Strange? A track from the album, “Gay Pirates,” became an Internet sensation after Jarvis' low-budget video for the song was endorsed in a Twitter post by actor and author Stephen Fry, and subsequent airplay helped make the second album a commercial success. While continuing to tour, write songs, and record music, Jarvis has also been writing and directing a feature film, provisionally titled The Naughty Room. ~ Mark Deming, Rovi"

more tracks from the album

Humasyouhitch / Sonofabitch

From the album

Humasyouhitch / Sonofabitch (2009)

Cosmo Jarvis popular songs

He Only Goes Out On TuesdaysCosmo Jarvis

Cosmo Jarvis

Humasyouhitch / Sonofabitch