Cosmo Jarvis

Dumb Kid
Dumb Kid
Dumb Kid

I'm not stalking you
I'm walking in front of you
But you're screaming

And I'm not grabbing you
Or slapping the ass of you
But I'm dreaming

Cause I like girls in Trackies
I don't know why they just grab me
And I like how you stand up
I like how you stand up

I'm not that weird
I don't have a girl or beard
And I'm so fed up
So fed up

I wasn't really gonna get a tattoo of your name on my arm
Cause I don't have that much money I can spend
I can spend

No matter how much porn I download
I will always think of you
And I will be obsessed til the end
Til the end

Maxine, Maxine!
You're bloody obscene!
And I'd do anything you tell me to!

Maxine, Maxine!
You're bloody obscene!
And I can't stop thinking of you!

I'm not a wanker
Well I used to be
But I'm not anymore
Cause it makes me tired

And I'm glad you're happy
But if my love gets crappy
And I'm glad you're admired

And I know I'm immature
I won't stalk you anymore
I'm a dumb kid
Dumb kid, dumb kid, dumb kid

And I'm not forgetting you
I'm just not gonna hit on you
I'm sexually retarded

Speaking of jacking
I was doing it today
But then I quit so I'd last longer
And you wouldn't laugh at me

I'm one of those guys
I can't let go and accept loathing
Cause I've got what's an addictive personality

Maxine, Maxine!
You're bloody obscene!
And I'd do anything you tell me to!

Maxine, Maxine!
You're bloody obscene!
And I can't stop thinking of you!

I'm not saying we were gonna bang
But it would have been quite nice
And I would have liked it more
Than the best thing in the world

You're not the first I've done a song about
Trust me
I'm really not that weird
I just get obsessed with girls!

Maxine, Maxine!
You're bloody obscene!
And I'd do anything you tell me to!

(My balls are cold!)

Maxine, Maxine!
You're bloody obscene!
And I can't stop thinking of you!

I'm obsessed Maxine, Maxine!
You're bloody obscene!
And I'd do anything you tell me to!

Maxine, Maxine!
You're bloody obscene!
And I can't stop thinking of you!

Maxine, Maxine!
You're bloody obscene!
And I'd do anything you tell me to!

Maxine, Maxine!
You're bloody obscene!
And I can't stop thinking of you!

Critic, journalist, sometime musician, onetime actor, and full-time Midwesterner Mark Deming provides a discographic-based biography for Cosmo Jarvis:

“Singer, songwriter, and filmmaker Cosmo Jarvis has earned a devoted following for his witty, often satiric tunes about the foibles of relationships and contemporary life, often rooted in personal experience, as well as his own self-produced videos and short subjects that have given his work a global online audience. Harrison Cosmo Krikoryan Jarvis was born on September 1, 1989 in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Jarvis' family relocated to the United Kingdom when he was young, and he grew up in Devon in Southwest England. Jarvis began writing songs when he was only 12 years old, around the same time he began making short films using a VHS video camera. While Jarvis' early videos were little more than documentation of pranks played with his friends, with time he began constructing more complex narratives, and similarly his songs began to evolve, ranging from folk-inspired acoustic guitar pieces and elaborate pop tunes to tongue-in-cheek hip-hop tracks.

At the age of 16, Jarvis quit school to focus on his creative work, and in 2009 he wrote and produced his debut album, an 18-song set called Humasyouhitch/Sonofabitch, which was released by the British indie label Wall of Sound. The album combined Jarvis' observational tunes with a cycle of songs reflecting the emotional turmoil of his parents' stormy relationship. Humasyouhitch/Sonofabitch received enthusiastic notices from the British music press, but it didn’t sell especially well, and Jarvis teamed with 25th Frame for his second release, Is the World Strange or Am I Strange? A track from the album, “Gay Pirates,” became an Internet sensation after Jarvis' low-budget video for the song was endorsed in a Twitter post by actor and author Stephen Fry, and subsequent airplay helped make the second album a commercial success. While continuing to tour, write songs, and record music, Jarvis has also been writing and directing a feature film, provisionally titled The Naughty Room. ~ Mark Deming, Rovi"

more tracks from the album

Humasyouhitch / Sonofabitch

From the album

Humasyouhitch / Sonofabitch (2009)

Cosmo Jarvis popular songs

MaxineCosmo Jarvis

Cosmo Jarvis

Humasyouhitch / Sonofabitch